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REPORT SPELLING OR GRAMMATICAL ERRORS

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Muttie

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Posts: 71

Joined: Tue Dec 26, 2017 10:42 pm

Post Fri Feb 23, 2018 12:00 am

Re: REPORT SPELLING OR GRAMMATICAL ERRORS

A few more corrections and suggestions

Rat Hole/Steave
- An option is to ask him “I was wondering whether someone living in a place like this can afford a dog.” and he replies “Look, who's talking about manners. That bastard stole...” As the player line doesn't include a reference to manners, I think he should say “Who's talking about affording? That bastard stole...” or “Who's talking about owning/pets?...”.

Sedit

Peter the farmer
- To “Tell me about Sedit” he replies “Sedit is a caravan town. Everyone here's living off of it. Whether...” Perhaps remove the “of” or “Everyone here's making a living of it.”
- When pissing him of “I don't like your tone...” he replies “I don't know which dump you came here from, but...” I would say “...which dump you've come from, but...” or “I don't know from what dump you've crawled all the way here, but around these parts we don't tolerate this kind of behaviour. The cops like it peaceful around here, and for lil' tramps like yourself we have only two things – jail or kicking the bucket. And their ain't much difference, I'm telling ya. So you better...”

Notice board
- The paper that looks least noticeable says: “Frederyk's Dream company located in Short Lane recruits...” As it's a road and not a place it should say “...on Short Lane...”.
- The paper with the largest handwriting says: “The best caravan company of Hub...” Needs a “the” before Hub. Considering the place is gone it could also say “of the old Hub”.

Imprisonment
A few suggestions for the text window messages:
“The cops beat the hell out of you first and threw you into the cell afterwards.” First and afterwards seems too much. You may use “you, before throwing..cell.”. Or perhaps: “The cops beat the hell out of you first, then (dragged you off into/dumped your (beaten) body in) one of the cells.”
“You awoke to the sounds from the cell next door. The cops have just beaten another prisoner with rifle butts.” Perhaps “You awoke to some (clamour/noise) in the cell next door. By the sound of it another prisoner was beaten with rifle butts.”
“You were released. To say good-bye one of the cops hit you in the stomach.” Perhaps: “You were released. As a (last/final gesture/farewell present) one of the cops (hit/punched you in the/placed his boot in your) stomach.”

Gregory
- Asking him about “The history of Sedit” he replies (both dispositions) “I don't know much about the time...It was Nicol who managed to get a firm grip on things, if I may say it so. She...” I think it is more common to just say “if I may say so”.
- Asking him about “How do I get to him [Sheriff]” he replies (rude disposition) “You? Bah, you'll hardly...if you have any business with the police go the station and...” It's missing a “to” after go.
- A reply option is “I don't like the way you speak to me! I think I'll blow your brain out of your head”. Putting a “right” after brain feels more natural.
- Asking Gregory about “Can you tell me more about the town council” he replies (both dispositions) “As I've said the members are all owners of caravan companies...Still, to agree sometimes seems an unimaginable problem and so they only meet in exceptional cases. They met quite...” . Perhaps: “...Still, to agree can require unusual amounts of time (and effort), and as such they prefer to keep their meetings to exceptional cases only. They met quite...”. Or “Still, as agreeing can become an extensive conundrum, they can only afford to meet (occasionally and only in cases of exceptional importance) in exceptional cases. They met...
- Asking him about “[Sedit] In what way?” he replies (friendly disposition) “I'm surprised someone hasn't told you already. Some...It's purpose is to make decisions with relation to the town. Frederyk managed to influence its establishment, so now we have...” Perhaps “...is to make any decisions regarding the town. Frederyk managed to gain influence on its/the establishment, so now we...”
- Asking him about “Who runs this town?” he replies (friendly disposition) “The decisions relating to town are in the hands of the three...The role of the police then is to secure order...” Perhaps “Any decisions (relating to/regarding) town business are in the hands of the three...The role of the police is to secure order...”
- Asking him about “What happened?” he replies (friendly disposition) “Falcon's Flight was becoming a frequent...council voted 2 to 1 for Sheriff to place special...” Needs a “the” before Sheriff.
- Asking him about “Demetre” he replies (friendly disposition) “Demetre is a dangerous...His caravans are the ones most frequently getting attacked because they take the shortest routes. They...” Perhaps for clarification “...His caravans are the ones most frequently under attack, because, regardless of the risk and danger, they always take the shortest routes. They...”
- Asking him about “Why Sedit?” he replies (friendly disposition) “I'm sure they all had their reasons...Moreover Sedit offered same possibilities as the Hub...” Missing a “the” before same.

Salem
- Another well written character, like so many really.

Sabrina
- Question “You've got something against Big Guns?” she replies “They're useless...with animals you can use the rest of for food. With...” Perhaps “...the rest of it for food...” or “...the rest for food...”

Nicol
- When approaching her as part of the Tyler Morrow quest, and not having spoken to her yet. Her dialogue is the one reacting to having seen me at the (ambush) meeting (for) with Frederyk. And one of my reply option is “Can't we really settle this...” The “really” seems off (a bit like asking a second time) and should be removed, or say “just” instead.

Demetre
- Talking about the Hub and asking “There wasn't anyone to defend it?” he says “Shit, you kidding me?! There was a lot of us, but it wasn't no childs play!...[Note: Correcting Demetre's slang seems like a bad idea, (creative direct speech), but in this case it would be “Shit, you're kidding me?! There were a lot of us, but it was no fucking child's play!...[Note: but the original slang may suit him better]...When we saw with Keri that the Hub was finished...[Note: But I would change this one to “When me and Keri saw that the Hub was finished...”] we left...”.

Keri
- When talking about Demetre, agreeing with her (the retard comment) and then apologizing “Forgive me. Please, let's start anew. How is it with the work?” (which may change to “Forgive me. Please, let's start again. How do I go about the work?”), her reply is “Okay relax. If you keep talking shit like this...” The relax seems to refer to herself (she is the one agitated), or both and should change to “[to herself] Okay relax. [to you] But if you keep...” or “Okay, let's relax. But if you keep...”. The second version may be better.
- If saying “What's the matter?” Her reply is “It's not enough to say it five times already! I'm about to snap and when I do,...” This should say something like “(Apparently) It's (apparently) not enough (to have said it/that I've told him) 5 times already! I'm about to snap and when I do,...”.
- Her reply to “What are you going to do then.” is “I don't even know myself...I can't live with the old bastard any more. I'd probably end up blown to bits by a bomb left at the toilet sooner or later anyway.” I would remove the “anyway”, it feels a bit too definitive. You may also replace “sooner or later anyway” with “...I can't live with the old bastard any more. I'd probably end up blown to bits by a bomb left (at/on?) the toilet if I hang around (any longer/for too long).” or shorter: “...any more. (If I stay) I'd run the risk of getting blown to bits by a bomb left on the toilet (if I do).” Or, the one I like “any more. If I do, I'd probably end up blown to bits by a bomb left at the toilet." and perhaps add "(and (that) rather sooner than later)."
- When asking “What happened?” “she replies “Mutants. Fucking supermutants. When Master was killed...” Needs a “the” before master.
- If asking her “What?” She says: “He's more and more dangerous! He's...He probably has a loose screw....even I would love to kick the world in the ass, provided I knew where the world's butt is.” I'm sure it needs to be “screw loose” and the last could consider to avoid the repetition “...even I would love to kick the world in/up the ass, provided I knew where it is (to find it)." Or "...provided (I knew how to/I could) find (the/a) place to stick my boot in).” but it's a matter of opinion. If you repeat I wouldn't mind to use ass twice.
- When offering her orgies etc. she says “Really?! In that case, fuck off, not interested.” and oneself replies “You don't know what you are passing, your bad.” I think it needs a “up on” after passing to become clearer. Or if you don't like that you could use “missing, your bad.” instead.
- Asking her about this place/Sedit and the town council she says “...I guess it's not hard too see those three hardly ever find a common viewpoint.” I would say either “finding” instead “find” or a “that” before those. And you may consider “common ground” instead “a common viewpoint”.
- Her comment on being given the meeting quest by Frederyk: “An obvious trap...or just plain kill him straight.” This seems a bit confused perhaps “just (plain/simply) kill him.” or “(just/simply) kill him straight away.”

Johny
- Talking about the job and Keri. If saying “I don't believe you, I'll rather go talk to her.” he replies “As you think.” This is a bit unusual and I would suggest “As you wish.”, “If you think so.” or “Feel free to (try/do so).” or “Go ahead, then.” or “Don't mind me.”
- On the New Hope job he says: Yep, that's it, nice name...Our caravans would travel to them every month, the business would take place. Business profitable for us as well as them. The thing is,...” Is the “business would take place” a new sentence like “...every month. Business would take place. Business profitable for us as well as them. The (only) thing is,...” or the time of month like “...month, at which time the business would take place. Business...”.

Rene
- When showing him the Talisman (while the ghoul is still alive): “[Rene looks surprised]...He crawled in here in the middle of a night, seriously wounded...” that should be “in the middle of the night” or “during the middle of the night” or “One night he crawled in here, seriously...”.

Mimi
- Asking her “What have you done” she replies “The only thing we're guilty of is...we could of died as well...” the “of” before died needs to be a “have”.

Wounded Ghoul
- During the story comes a passage where it says “Due to his serious wounds, his slow reactions give you enough time to stop the knife...” It may be considered to rephrase to “Due to his serious wounds, his reactions are slowed and give you enough time to stop the knife...” or “Slowed by his (mortal) wounds, you have no trouble/difficulty to stop (stopping) the knife in time.”

Mrs. Stapleton
- Question “What happened to the Hub” she says “You really want to hear about it...I've told myself many times I should have died there in my feeble effort to defend.” Perhaps: “..I've told myself many times I should have died there and then.” “Especially as she says shortly before that, that she left before the fighting. Or “...I should have died there in the (futile) attempt to defend my home.”
- After the first purchase (offers holodisks) one can say “Well, I have to say that just your books cost quite a lot.” Perhaps “Well, I have to say your books alone cost quite a lot.”

Cave
Cop
- There are three different versions of asking “How to get to Lost town.” First: “Is there any other way how to get to Lost Town?”. Second, after “why don't you kill all deathclaws”: “So there's no other way how to get to Lost Town?” and third, after asking “what is in Lost town”: “So there's is no other way how to get there?” It needs to remove the “how” in all three cases.

Lost Town

Gabriel
- Asking “What do you do here?” he says “I'm here to rest and spend my hard-earned money by a good job done before...” restructure to “I'm here to rest and spend my (hard-earned money after/money, hard-earned by) a job well done before...”.
- During the second attempt of hiring he says: “[Gabriel examines you from top to bottom again.] Well...cheapskate when comes to paying.” It needs an “it” after when.
- When asking him about place/Sedit he says “Town crowded with fucking cops...It's a place when a man can breath...” I would replace “when” with “where”.
- Talking about armour he says: “First of all [or directly, i.e. two versions] Get it through your thick skull...but when comes to a fight...” it forgot a “it” after when.
- His comment when entering Main Street: “I might have some problems...so I pushed her a little hard so she would act more lively and stir a little more...” A “little hard” sounds like once only and perhaps it should be “a little harder” or “so I gave her a (little) push so she would...”
- Comment on paying him when going after Rodriguez/or the second Sanchez quest: “A guy named Eddie...she was too scared shitless of Rodriguez to run away...” needs to be “she was too scared of Rodriguez to run away” or “she was scared shitless of Rodriguez (and wouldn't run away)...”.
- Comment on paying him when going after Rodriguez/or the second Sanchez quest: “That cunt babbled out everything...Finding him was a piece of a fucking cake...” Remove the “a” before fucking.

Lystra
- When receiving the quest to kill the ghouls she wants to leave. A reply option is “You want...First I'll teach you a lesson before taking care of Falcon's Flight.” I think the first and before don't go well together, replace “before taking” with “then I'll take”. Or “I'll take care of Falcon's Flight, but first, I'll teach you a lesson.”

HIV-positive
It says “It is hard to say how soon or late (if ever) that AIDS, the direct consequence of the HIV virus, will develop.” Perhaps “It is hard to say (when/how long it takes before) AIDS, the direct consequence of the HIV virus, will develop, if ever.”

As usual, feel free to ignore any suggestion you don't agree with.
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Muttie

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Joined: Tue Dec 26, 2017 10:42 pm

Post Wed Mar 21, 2018 12:43 pm

Re: REPORT SPELLING OR GRAMMATICAL ERRORS

A few more corrections and suggestions. (I've checked some with a native English speaker and marked those as (correct).)

Frederyk
- When taking the meeting quest one can say “I sure do, I'll go there right away. There's no sense putting it off.” It needs a “in” after sense (correct). Otherwise it would need to be “...right away. No point putting it off.”

Gregory
- I suggested to change the reply “I don't like the way you speak to me! I think I'll blow your brain out of your head”. To put a “right” after brain. In hindsight I would rather suggest a rephrase like: “That was your last insult, office boy! Now, I'm going to blow your brains out.”
- When asking “What happened” (friendly disposition) he says “Almost two years after our contacts with the Hub started...” (As it was the first contact with the city, shouldn't contact be singular? or use “...two years after making contact with the Hub...” However it may also refer to contacts with various companies of the Hub, and may stay as it is. Your call, really.) then it goes on “…Lots of people that survived that attack or ran away before it settled here. They...” It needs to be “from” instead “before” (correct). Or rephrase if it means “...the attack or fled before it (the attack/onslaught) started”

John, the cop
- When handing him the package from father Malcolm he says “Fuck, you don't have to yell it the whole street can hear. Give it here.” Perhaps “Fuck, you don't have to yell. The whole street can hear. Give it here.” or “Fuck, you don't have to yell so the whole street can hear. Just give it to me.” or “Stop your yelling, for fuck's sake. The whole street can hear you. Just give it to me.”

Nicol
- Asking “Where can I find him [Marvin].” She says “In Lost Town, as I said...It's difficult to guess which gutter that drunk's lying around right now.” It needs an “in” after “around” (correct). Or “...in which gutter that drunk's made his last/current home.”
- If I return to her during the Marvin quest, she says “Did you get the money out of Marvin...” and my reply is “Not yet, but I'll get into it right now.” In this case it needs to be “onto” not “into”. (correct)
- After the Marvin quest, one can discuss Frederyk's death and one can say “It was me who convinced Frederyk to go that meeting...” needs a second “to” after go, or use “attend” instead go.

Keri
- Her comment when working for Rodriguez: “Doing business with Rodriguez is the...no matter what you'll have done for him till then. And...” Could be smoother as: “...no matter what you have done for him in the past. And...”

Johny
- When assigning the brahmin fodder quest he says “There's a certain farmer who lives in the Short Lane, name of...” It needs to be “...in Short Lane” (place/street), (correct) or “in the short lane” (noun), or “...lives in the (area/part of town) called Short Lane, name of Peter...”

Rene
- “Tell me about Sedit” he says “Sedit is a caravan town. We saw the slow rise of the caravan trading and now our caravans...” Using “the caravan trade” may be better (correct).

Lost Town

Sanchez
- When receiving the second job: “Good. I'm in need of an extra pair of hands...We're expecting sheriff's deputy Tyler Morrow...”. It's missing a “the” before sheriff (correct), or perhaps remove “sheriff's” or use “deputy sheriff” (?).
- After the Tyler Morrow quest: “[He gives you 500 caps.] Easy job, innit? I got another meeting with the raiders in the desert in the outskirts of the town. I'm taking...” The “innit” should be “wasn't it”, in this case. And perhaps “[He gives you 500 caps.] Easy job, wasn't it? I got another one. I'm going to meet some raiders in the desert near the outskirts of town. I'm taking...”

Marvin
- After resolving the deathclaw quest and returning to him he says “Don't waste m'time anymoarth. A'hm goin' to the pub. Eeh, as long as I get a bit better.” It needs to be “soon” instead “long” or “ Eeh, the mo'hm'nt (moment) I feel a bit better [slumps into a chair]”.

Gabriel
- His comment when working for Rodriguez: “Nothing useful. He's keeping everyone but members of his retarded mafia family away. He...sort out big fuck ups far beyond reach of his influence.” I would suggest “at a distance” instead “away” or “away from him”. And I would say “beyond the reach” but I've been told that both is fine.
- His comment on father Malcolm: “That asshole is...no accident like having all one's bones broken by bunch of Mexicans...”. Needs a “a” before bunch and perhaps “his” instead “one's”.
- His comment on Damian: “What was the job?” He replies “That's a fucking good story...when that asshole woke up in the morning probably with no memory of previous night, he must've been quite... [change: it needs a “the” before previous (correct)] ...eyes and so on. When comes to shit like that... [change: needs a “it” before comes] ...Well, my job was to find that poor asshole and end him... [perhaps: finish him/put an end to him/end his miserable existence] ...It didn't take me much time to find out where in Sedit he lives and cut his throat on the street during night.” [Perhaps: “It didn't take me long to find his living place in Sedit, and one night, on a poorly lit street, I came up on him from behind and cut his throat (in one swift motion) [he indicates by running his thumb across his throat]. And that was that.”. Or, shorter: It didn't take me long to find his living place in Sedit, and one night, I caught him out on the street and cut his throat. (Just like that) [he runs his thumb across his throat]. Easy job, easy money.”
- His comment on Damian: the “cops raided Lost Town?” question. He replies “Damian thinks he's so important...Moreover, Rodriguez is making sure they'd never raid the place with a fucking serious amount of caps right in the cops' pockets. [Perhaps: remove “right in the cops' pockets” or “...the place by filling the cops' pockets with serious amounts of fucking caps.” or “...the place by pouring a fuck ton of caps right into the cops' fucking pockets.] then it goes on “No if he had been worth it, they would've probably lured him into a caravan in wastes somewhere near town where they could ambush him.” [perhaps: “No if he had been worth it, they [probably] would've lured him into [attacking] a caravan [out] in [the] wastes[,] somewhere near town where they could ambush him.” Or “No, if he had been worth it, they probably would've prepared a caravan and lured him out into the wastes, some place near town where they could (conveniently) ambush him (easily).]
- Comment on Rat Hole on “What do you know about this place?”: “I haven't actually believed that there's gonna be something here. I heard rumours about some backwater where two bastards recruit mercenaries but it sounded more like bullshit from minds of some stoners.” I think it needs a “the” before minds. Or “from the drug addled minds of some stoners.” And the first could be phrased: “To tell the truth, I didn't believe this place exists. I heard rumours about some backwater where two crazy bastards recruit mercenaries for (a personal/an eternal) war/vendetta of theirs, but it sounded more like bullshit from the minds of some stoners.” Or a longer version: ”Know? Are you shitting me? Up until now I didn't even believe this place exists. All I've heard were rumours about some (fucked up) backwater where two crazy bastards recruit mercenaries for a personal vendetta of theirs, but to be honest, it sounded more like bullshit from the minds of some seriously fucked up addicts/stoners. And now look at this. One could make a fortune around here.” (but the last "fistfull of dollars" reference, doesn't work if either party is already dead, which is most likely the case). And there is nothing wrong with the original anyway, except the missing “the”.

And Charlie, Marvin and father Malcolm are again outstandingly well written characters. I really enjoyed them.

New Hope
Muttie wrote:New Hope- Looking at the rake it says: “This rake...(you can't) even conceive of a use for it.” I think it needs to be “think” instead conceive. Otherwise it may need to remove the “of”.

(I've heard a similar line in a TV show and then checked it with the dictionary, and it seems I was wrong, apparently “conceive of” is correct. Sorry, my fault. I also discussed this at great length with someone and we are really not sure. “Think of” is definitely correct, but “conceive of” could be too. Something about transitive and intransitive verbs (?). Better leave it as it is.)

Rat Hole/Steave
Muttie wrote:Rat Hole/Steave- An option is to ask him “I was wondering whether someone living in a place like this can afford a dog.” and he replies “Look, who's talking about manners. That bastard stole...” As the player line doesn't include a reference to manners, I think he should say “Who's talking about affording? That bastard stole...” or “Who's talking about owning/pets?...”.

(I think I made an error here, the point seems to be a general line “Look, who's talking about manners now.” Which may work (?). But I think it's actually a reply to the initial player line “What about some manners. I didn't catch your name...”. However one can get to the exchange above without ever dropping that initial “manner line”. So the manner reply can kind of hang in the air. Consequently I would stick with the suggested adjustment, or link the two “manner” references better. Atm, the one can lead to the other, but there is no direct connection, and the second part may occur without the first part.
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Muttie

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Joined: Tue Dec 26, 2017 10:42 pm

Post Fri Apr 20, 2018 6:10 pm

Re: REPORT SPELLING OR GRAMMATICAL ERRORS

Gabriel, when entering Main Street:
Muttie wrote:- His comment when entering Main Street: “I might have some problems...so I pushed her a little hard so she would act more lively and stir a little more...” A “little hard” sounds like once only and perhaps it should be “a little harder” or “so I gave her a (little) push so she would...”

I think I made a mistake here myself (awkward). I asked my English source and it told me that there is nothing wrong with “a little hard” (shame on me). However, at that point I had thought about it some more and came up with: “So I slapped her a little, just to wake her up, make her act a bit more lively. Stir a little more, you know? All of a sudden...” or “...so I pushed her a little, so she would act more lively and stir...” works too. Or “So I slapped her around a bit. Wake her up, so she would act more lively and stir a little more...” etc. But feel free to ignore my suggestions.

Father Malcolm/Lost Town
-When asking if elevation is hazardous to ones health, he rejects that notion and one can reply “Good, here's 500 caps, I wan to try it.” Needs to be “want”. (or “I'll give it a try” or “Alright, you've talked me into it, here's 500 caps, hit (or less sloppy: “bless”) me, father.”)

Alexa/Rat Hole
-The question is “Do you have any work?” and she says “I'd have some work to do. The question is if you're just the right person. What...” The “I'd” is wrong (had it confirmed). You may consider changing to “I may have some work (that needs taking care of). The question is, if you are (just) the (right) person to get it done? What...?” Or “I could have some work. The question is, are you the right person for the job?...”

The second Frederyk's Dream quest is titled: “Root out the informer for the raiders within Frederyk's Dream.” You may consider to use “of the raiders” instead “for” or rephrase to “Uncover the raiders' informer within Frederyk's Dream”. (confirmed)
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Muttie

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Joined: Tue Dec 26, 2017 10:42 pm

Post Thu May 03, 2018 11:56 pm

Re: REPORT SPELLING OR GRAMMATICAL ERRORS

Johny/Sedit
- After selecting the “who are the Children of the Cathedral” option, a reply option is “I see, and who's the dead man's supposed to be?” It needs to change “man's” to “man” (confirmed).

Tadeus
- One says “I came here to kill you...It's a revenge for supermutants destroying the Hub.” This seems a bit tricky but the English person I've talked to would remove the “a” before revenge. Or you could use “It's his [Demetre's] revenge for...” Or you may use, but it may be too agitated, “It's payback for the destruction of the Hub. The place destroyed by your supermutants!”

Keri
- When accepting the FEV from Tadeus and telling her it was only a bluff she talks about “[the world is a better place with another of those CoC dead]” and one replies “As you think.” Which is a bit unusual (confirmed) and it may be better to say “I guess.” (a bit cautious), “I guess, you are right.” (cautiously agreeing) or perhaps “If you say so.” (agreeing with reservation).
- When injecting Demetre she says “You're a complete idiot!...I should throw you to deathclaws, but I think I'll skin you myself.” Needs a “the” before deathclaws (confirmed). And perhaps add a “rather” to emphasize the meaning like “I should throw you to the deathclaws, but I think I'll rather skin you myself.”

Asmodeus' Journal (holodisc)
- In the second paragraph, first sentence it says “and spread after master's death.” As master is a title and not a name it needs to add a “the master's”, as in “the king's death”. (confirmed)

Melkyr/Corath
-He says “Yeah, right there. You know, we have one just rule here. If...” and “We have one just law here. If two people...”. May consider to add a “but” as in “We have but one just...” to emphasize that there is none, but one rule/law (confirmed). However, you need to confirm if it's correct to say that Corath has only one rule/law (the one of the ring).

Gabriel
-Comment on Corath: “Just what rumours float around. Supposedly...to conquer the town so they try to cap each other. Being scared shitless from local cops, they won't fight openly.” It needs to be “of the local cops” not “from” (confirmed). And “cap” is a bit unusual and could say “to run each other out of business” (confirmed) or “out of town” if changing the previous “town” to “local trade/ore mine”. And the next sentence could start with “But being scared shitless of the local cops/law enforcement, they won't...” but that's a rather minor point.
- When entering the mine (Corath). During the story he says “That fucker disappeared faster then all a junkie's savings”. Needs to be “than” not “then” (confirmed) and the “all” could be removed, as it doesn't add to the meaning, “faster than a junkie's savings” gets the point across quite well.
- During the second floater exchange with the Keri (about the Hub) he says “...after first retarded supermutant appeared”. Needs a “the” before first (confirmed).

Sheriff Francis
- Giving the murder quest. “Some nutcase murderer...find out anything about last murder victim, and go talk to the woman...” needs a “the” before “last” (confirmed).

Marylin
- Her floater reacting to a female KSM is “You do like doing it with a woman as I do, don't you honey?” Is correct but it could be a bit stronger by inserting a “as much” in there. Like “You do like doing it with a woman as much as I do, don't you honey?” or “I hope you like doing it with a woman? I sure did, honey. :winks at you:” or “I like doing it with a woman, especially when it's you, honey. :winks at you:”

Gravedigger Jesup
- Asking him why he doesn't call the cops ”Yeah right. They'd just tell me off...they must think I'm gonna run around here nights to chase the rabble away...” The “...run around here nights...” is wrong (confirmed). There are several options but “...here night after night to...” may be the best. Others are “at night” (without the s!) or “during nights”, which may fit his speech pattern better.

Cedrick
- When talking with him about Vodka he says at one point “[Cedrick grins malevolently.] That's what he told you...Most likely he put his house on fire in drunken delirium...Uncle would fire him anyway, even if he didn't mutilate himself like he did. If not for his infatuation, he would accept it a long time ago...” That needs to be “a drunken delirium” (confirmed) and as it refers to events in the past “Uncle would have fired him anyway” or “Uncle was going to fire him anyway” followed by “even if he hadn't mutilated himself like he did” and “...he would have accepted it a...” or “...he would have gotten over it a...”. (all confirmed). And the player's reply is “That's what you say. Bye.” could be “Guess, that's your side of the story. Bye.”

Ademar
- After causing the miners' rebellion with quest by Ademar and reporting back he can say “O shit, that didn't work out at all. Not only we lost the miners, but we lost...” Either: “We not only lost the miners, but we lost...” or “Not only did we lose the miners, but we lost...” (confirmed).
- After causing the miners' rebellion without quest by Ademar, it starts with Richie being freed and then: “Well, it broke out. The miners decided...Not only we lost mine workers, but several...”. Either: “Not only did we lose mine workers, but several ...” or “...We not only lost mine workers, but several...” (confirmed).
- After refusing to meet Nestor and returning back he says “look who we have here. Isn't this...Oh, no, someone so stupid would likely blow up her own head a long time ago.” The tense is wrong, it needs to be “...would likely have blown up...” or “Oh, no, someone so stupid would have blown her own head off a long time ago.” (confirmed).
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Muttie

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Posts: 71

Joined: Tue Dec 26, 2017 10:42 pm

Post Sun May 20, 2018 1:32 pm

Re: REPORT SPELLING OR GRAMMATICAL ERRORS

Lawteller
- Asking “What role plays the police in all this?” And he says “The police like their city quiet. And they don't care how that's done, as long as they don't have to do too much themselves. The Law of the Ring helps them there. Everyone, including Nestor and Uncle, respect the Law to make sure they don't go against the police. It's not exactly the way the Law was intended but, interestingly, the city can keep from falling apart that way.” Not sure what “Everyone, including Nestor and Uncle, respect the Law to make sure they don't go against the police.” is trying to say? And I think this needs clarification. As I understand it: The police is the third force in Corath. And they uphold the law (that's the only thing sheriff Francis really cares about). And Nestor and Uncle can't ignore the law (by fighting in the streets) as it would mean that the police would take sides, and make one side (Nestor/Uncle) stronger than the other. So perhaps: “Everyone, including Nestor and Uncle, respect the Law as they can't risk upsetting the police. It's not exactly the way the Law was intended but, interestingly, it keeps the city from falling apart.” Is that what it meant, I'm not sure? But I believe neither Nestor or Uncle want to “go against” the police at all, but only avoid to “upset them” so the police stays out of it. Other options are: “... the Law as neither wants to go against the police.” Or “...the Law, it makes sure they don't go against the police.” but I think that's wrong as it is not the Law that creates respect for the police but the other way round, the police (third force) makes everyone respect the law (creating an odd peace and stalemate). Perhaps “Everyone, including Nestor and Uncle, respect the Law, it makes sure they don't go against each other openly. It's not exactly the way the Law was intended but, interestingly, it keeps the city from falling apart.”

Chadwick
- The first approach he says “You're here to see me? [He examined you curiously.] But we don't know...No, I didn't see one like that...[...Based on sheriff's description this is...]” As the examination follows the insert I would use present tense “[He examines you curiously.] But we don't know [you]...” and it needs a “the” before sheriff's description. The player's reply to this is “What like that?” This is a bit confusing and to clarify it, it should change to “What do you mean “like that”?” (confirmed)

Gordon
- After refusing to bribe him during the Richie quest: “Then the two of us have nothing to talk about anymore. You're such a wretch that only way you'll ever get what you want is with money. You should understand that...” Either it means (in general:) “...You're such a wretch! The only way you'll ever get what you want is with money. You should understand that...” or (the player specifically:) “...You're such a wretch that the only way you'll ever get what you want is with money. You should understand that...”. Not sure what the intention was. (confirmed)

Man of Nestor/Corath
- A floater says “Nestor don't take shit from nothing and no-one.” Either “Nestor doesn't take shit from no-one.” or “Nestor's (crowd/people/gang) don't take shit from nothing and no-one. You hear!” (confirmed)

Clint
- When sleeping with Clint during the money quest he says: “[When Clint was finished he handed you the money owed with a satisfied look on his face.] Here you go...” I think the tense is wrong perhaps “[Once/After Clint has finished (After Clint is done with you) he hands you the money owed with a satisfied look on his face.] Here you go...” as the handing of the money is happening now (present tense).

Blaster's Keeper
-When approaching him for the first time “[The man turned away from the shelf and frowned at you.] You have no business...” Shouldn't this be present tense? “[The man turns away from the shelf and frowns at you. (and frowns upon seeing you.)] You have no business...”
- When convincing him to help with Blaster he says: “You must be crazy to risk your life like this. [He sighed.]...Sometimes I'm truly terrified by thoughts of Blaster escaping due to my mistake...” It should be “[He sighs.]”. And when choosing the other option he says: “I wouldn't like to test how important I'm for Nestor...[He sighed.]...” Should also be “sighs”, i.e. present tense.

Ademar
- Taking the Richie and job and asking “How should I do it?” he replies: “[He smiled.] That's for you to find out. Try to use that thing between your ears for once and come up with something to earn your pay.” Again I assume it should be present tense “[He smiles.] That's..”
- After botching the Richie quest he says “You really are slower than a one-legged gecko, or did you just decide to have your way with some whore before doing your work? Actually, in the second case it wouldn't take you that long either. Someone already finished Richie off...” The whore line could be more speculation “Actually, in the second case it wouldn't have taken you that long either. Someone already finished Richie off...”. Or more definite “Actually, in the second case it couldn't have taken you that long either.” (confirmed, but you may want to discuss this one)
- Being invited by Nestor and replying “I'm interested”, he says: “And why wouldn't you be? As I...and dammit, at least try to seem like you're happy about it even when you aren't anymore.” Why any more? I don't think anything occurred that causes the player to not being happy any more? Shouldn't it say “..at least try to look happy about it, even if you're not.” (confirmed)
- Being invited by Nestor and replying “I'm not interested”, then returning later and accepting he says: “[He smiled.] Oh, yeah you really did say it...” Should be “[He smiles.]” as it's the present.

Uncle
- Challenging Uncle: “So Nestor's really trying it on...Cedrick will make sure your last minutes on earth end in the appropriate level of misery.” It may be better to say “in an appropriate amount of misery.” or if you want to keep level: “...at the...level of...” (confirmed)
- After beating Blaster and receiving the next quest he says: “Unfortunately, I don't know the location of his hideout exactly. Although I would like to know where he'd need to crawl under with all his hired killers so as not to attract unwanted attention. But I doubt he would have gone far...” Could be straightened a little perhaps: “... Although I would like to know where he could possibly crawl under with all his hired killers and not attract (too much) unwanted attention (killers, without attracting too much (unwanted) attention)...” (confirmed) or use another way of putting it that is more to your own liking.

Keri
- When asking her who would be the better ruler for Corath she says: “You think one of them cares about some dubious well-being of the others? Don't be...” I would say “...one of them cares about (some/this/the) dubious well-being of others?...” (confirmed) or just “...about the well-being of others?...” as dubious seems a bit strange (I assume it means to say “the well-being of others” concept is dubious).

Gabriel
- His floater when facing Blaster says “...I don't shit my pants from seeing a huge mutated pile of turd.” That needs to replace “from” with “by” or “just by” or “...pants just because of some huge mutated pile of turd.” (confirmed)
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